Vic died on Wednesday. Though we had been expecting his death for years it was still shocking how quickly he changed from shuffling around giving my mom a hard time (on Friday) to incoherent and bedridden.
The trip was great, Miles took on every new experience with gusto - and regaled a bus full of New Yorkers with his delightful version of the Alphabet song - choreographed with the crossing of his arms for the letter X and unfortunately the letter S.

My car needs a new tire - which means we buy 4 new tires. :( I think the frowning face just sort of sums up that aspect of the luxury car ownership. You play - you pay.
Careening back into my life here after 6 days of hectic fun provided a small burst of culture shock. Work is dull and annoying, but not hell - and so I'm glad. My world is, at the moment, cool and quiet. Mom arrives soon to help me salvage what cherries are left on the tree. She is doing fine - but is faced with the task of reinventing herself, which is a little daunting. Meanwhile, the romance books are beginning to bother me, the contrivance is becoming too obvious, and worse yet, I'm feeling let down that I'm not young rich and beautiful (and having 4 orgasms a night). So I'm reading this month's Atlantic. Is it too late for me to try to be brilliant? Maybe not - but I need a topic and now!
So I just wrote the Subject line - trying to form my thoughts and not ramble - and I am stuck on the mundanity of death. It is thoroughly unpleasant, and was sad and uncomfortable. On my own behalf I am sad that he died in my beloved living room - the death rattle escalating through the hours in the rooms of my lovely house (I am so fond of that house on Claremont). I was horrified for my mother. There were no tears though. I felt far more at the passing (I'm embracing the euphemism) of my cherished pets. I still miss Kirby. And, though I think I know better, I worry that Mom and I are more hardened to death. There is no profound sense of loss, no agony over the unknown or known parts of being and not being. Vic is gone - and Mom lives.
SO I will ramble. And perhaps you will read this all. I wonder at the feeling. The great feelings of love and loss that I currently don't have access to. Does make me wonder if this is just another part of my aging process. I'm looking fro my car keys and my passion.